Support Awareness on Childhood Bereavement

In the general population survey, one-third of respondents said they have a "close friend, close relative or colleague at work" who lost a spouse or child under the age of 18 with kids still at home.

"Childhood bereavement is one of society's most chronically painful yet rarely examined and most underestimated phenomena."

Childhood loss – particularly of a parent – presents challenges that can persist for decades.  As the burden of childhood loss is immense, and it is a toll paid over decades, not years.

Lonely Suffering Children

Fearful of burdening their surviving parent -- and growing up in a society that is unnerved by death and uneasy with their grief -- kids who lose loved ones get the message early on that people are uncomfortable talking about their loss, so they suffer in silence.  As a result, these children are too often subject to a distressing range of emotional, psychological and behavioral difficulties, which can extend well into adulthood.  It's time for a national conversation on childhood bereavement.

Grieving process is frequently complicated by feelings of isolation (e.g., "no one else knows what I'm going through") and vulnerability (e.g. "who will be there for me now?") and a wide range of "secondary losses" including moving homes, the return of the surviving parent to work, and financial strains.

Enormous Scale

Approximately 2.85 million children under 18 live with a parent affected by cancer and many deal with trauma before and after demise. Childhood bereavement is complicated and devastating, we need to do a better job of raising awareness of the effects of childhood bereavement, so that kids can get back to being kids again – instead of miniature adults.  Giving these kids the time and opportunity to heal is critical to their ability to thrive as adults.

Grief is a journey. We can't eliminate it, but we can make it more manageable. 

More resources and greater public sensitivity to the issue – including support from friends, relatives, classmates, the community, and other caring adults – can make a big difference.” After experiencing a loss, children need to rebuild their safety nets.  We, together, need to support them – at home, at school, and in everyday life.

Friends Matter: more support from families, friends and coworkers

Friends are deemed the second most helpful group in helping kids deal with their loss, behind only their surviving parents and well ahead of siblings, grandparents and therapists/counselors.

"It's not like bereaved families are looking for special treatment," Hughes said. "The vast majority of kids and parents just want to be treated normally. That's why it's so troubling that half of the surviving parents in our survey said some friends stopped talking or socializing with them after their spouse died.“

Want to Do More, Not Sure How?

Reflecting on the last time someone close lost a child or spouse, most reported attending the funeral/wake/calling hours (74%), offering words of condolence (72%) or visiting the family's home (57%) but only 30% said they went out of their way to include them in social activities. Eighty-three percent somewhat or strongly agree with the statement: "I wish I did/could have done more.“

"Surviving parents all too often get lost in the shuffle,"  "Parenting is hard enough; it can seem impossible when you're solely responsible for a household, family finances, and your kids' well-being, all the while trying to process your own loss. There are resources for single parents, but almost none for surviving parents. They are overlooked, little-understood and stretched thin.“

Awareness Needs to be Increased

There is not broad public recognition of the need for more resources for grieving families. Nearly four in 10 Americans surveyed (37%) believe there are "plenty of resources for kids who have lost a parent or sibling"; 18% have no opinion.

"The public is generally unaware of how common childhood loss is and of the issues these children and families face,"  "Given the opportunity, most people will help.  The challenge is generating greater public attention to the issue and educating people on how to effectively interact with grieving families, parents and kids.“

Most are unsure of how to engage and be helpful with grieving families. "Most of us are well-intentioned, but our efforts are constrained by a fear of 'doing something wrong' or by a simple lack of knowledge over what to do or where to go for help," 

Most families want understanding, an inquiring word, an occasional invitation, and some arms-and-legs support.

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PS: Its a non tech topic. I strongly feel about it, hence putting on this space to reach more hearts and minds.

Road Trip from Pune to Sultanpur for Diwali Celebrations at Home

Prelude: 2020 the Year of Pandemic 

This year (2020) has been a very different year, with the entire planet battling a pandemic in their own unique, continuously evolving ways. It evolved from murmurs of covid-19 originating in neighboring China in Jan 2020, to struggling Europe in Feb-March, to the announcement of complete 14 days Lockdown in India, in late March 2020. Months passed by, but Covid-19 continued to  spread globally impacting millions first and billions afterwords. 

Sep-Oct seems to show a plateau or at least a slowdown in growth rate or maybe the world seems to have found acceptable ways of living through a pandemic. Its is acknowledged throughout the globe that we were NOT prepared for this.

Working Through Pandemic

This pandemic has been stressful in more ways than visible. Disrupting billions of lives beyond just physical health, it has claimed millions of jobs throughout the planet. Those working were less impacted, but life was different for them as well. Stress and anxiety amid continuous efforts to adopt to new working conditions (mostly remote) started to prevail until the focus on wellness in uncertain times was found.

In my view this year, the holiday season is more awaited than ever, simply because this year has been difficult and full of uncertainties. We as a family tried to deal with these in some commonly known ways(OTT bing, online activities and friends) and our unique inventive ways.   

Fast forward Nov 2020 

Fast forward to year end(Mid Q4), when holiday season sets in India. Diwali season celebrates homecoming, victory of light over darkness has arrived. Amid the gloom of a pandemic, the glimmer of hope, optimism further fuelled by the progress on vaccine is clearly evident. 

Unsure of how November 2020 would like it was hard to plan a travel in advance. So when Diwali was near, with approved vacations you are left with a critical question: "What to do?" One of the answers we had for this was to plan some time within social bubble, however each one of them were limited few hour events. Another option was to unwind in Goa. But as the festival closed in and not being home for so long simply started to weigh in heavily prompting to think of ways of going to Sultanpur where I spent my childhood and have close family and friends.

Planning: How to Go?    

Having done multiple Pune to Goa, Pune to Bangalore, Pune to Hyderabad, Pune to Ahmadabad and Mount Abu on our XUV500 automatic, the option of road trip was on the table. But ~1600 KMs was longer than any of our earlier trips, no information on quality of road and highways, uncertainties around availability of essentials and support, clogged our mind and almost pushed us to drop the idea of going via road. Security was a major concern as well, as some of the roads were infamous for poor safety and we were not sure of current status of those.

From Should We Go? to Let's Plan & Go

Just like every other techie, went to the most trusted ally i.e Google(When in doubt, ask google) in quest of information about route and other valid references. Found some travel blogs, but they were old(2015). References found were of Pune to Indore, Pune to Bhopal and one of Pune to Lucknow. Me and my wife read them many times and got confidence, since the experiences were good and uneventful.

We finally decided to go ahead. Plan was to split the journey into two days. This introduced the question of where to stop? References from blogs indicated Bhopal. It is around 50% of total distance, plus a capital city with wider options of hotels, making it a logical choice. However, I always wanted to cover maximum on Day1 to minimise travel on Day 2. So the next 'doable in a day' city on the route was Guna as a stretch target🎯 for Day1.

Car and paper check was next in our to do list. Rechecked all essentials and did some last minute car accessories shopping from Mr. DIY which opened up next door, last month.

Fast tag recharge was another item that we got done as part of preparation. Expected a total of around INR 2000 in tolls in one way. Adoption & operation of fasttag seems to be getting better and we were hopeful on it.  

 

Watering of our plants needed to be arranged and we were luck to have helpful neighbors who happily took over the responsibility. 

Packing was divided into two:

1) Short term travel specific

2) Mid term for an elongated stay

Packing continued till the last day as usual. We tried to put most mid term items at the bottom, of last row of our 7 seater SUV a day before we started.

Other items such as cans of refreshments, packed foods, chocolates, were also done a day before. Home-made brunch was done by my spouse to minimize any stops, plus to minimize interaction with outer world.

Travel Day 1

Finally with all the preparation that we could think of the travel day arrived. I had planned to sleep around 10 PM but due to household chores, was awake until 11 PM. Woke up at 4 AM, to realize that my wife was busy preparing/packing food items till 1 AM and again from 3 AM. Since we had kids and our little one being 3+ so we thought it was important to ensure variety of food items. 

 

Most items segregated as non essential during travel were already packed last night in car, so we picked the last batch of luggage and started at around 5.30 AM from Kalyani Nagar, Pune. Unsure of road conditions, for day 1, tentative targets were to be either in Indore(593 KM), Bhopal (785 KM) , or Guna (877 KM) before sunset. At 5.30 AM it was dark. Followed GPS to outskirts of Pune crossing Khed ghat (~50KM) before sunlight.  

We were cruising on Pune Nashik highway when google prompted to leave the highway and take another road through the village. We were puzzled, but decided to follow google. Took a U turn in 500 meters as we had passed the small road to right and came back to take the road prompted by google through the village. Through this route google calculated distance saving of 40 KM and time saving of 30 minutes. Cruise turned into a bumpy ride with only one car ahead of us for few kilometres. It did feel good or the right decision but we continued. At one place copete road was submerged under water. Had the car (Baleno) ahead of us not crossed it, I would have taken a U turn to head back to Pune Nashik highway, now around 5-10 KM behind. But after Baleno crossed the submerged road, I too trailed it slowly. I presumed the gentlemen in the car are locals and familiar so kept trailing them until they were to be on our route on map. 

However, came another road submerged under water and the car ahead of us gave me a pass inviting me to dive into the submerged road. This time the road was not only submerged, but also water flowing over it, through the overflowing river stream. Took a pause, slowly nudged forward into the submerged road. Baleno mates were closely observing us from a distance. :) 

I was buoyed up by ladies sitting near the trough of the curve and washing cloths in flowing water. The moment we were about to reach the trough on the road, one of the ladies washing clothes made face, indicating we were seemingly about to drive into deep puddle or something not good. She confirmed it was a hole in center of the road hidden under water. Instantly applied brakes and started to reverse slowly. Watching this, the other car took a U turn and went back, possibly to take another road. 

However, I checked with the lady, If we can go through the stream? She nodded and said that by staying on the left of the road we can avoid the hole and drive through. And we did. 

Bumpy road continued until we got to NH 60 near Chandwad at around 9.30 AM. We took a small food and bio break here.

Then we remained on NH60 from Chandwad to Indore. It was a cruise, and we reached Indore at around 2.30 PM. Filled up tank in Indore and decided to head to Guna i.e another 285 KM, since we were ahead of planned distance. We reached Guna around 6.30 PM, Checked in a comfy space and stayed overnight. 

Travel Day 2

We woke up at 5 AM and had instructed hotel staff to have In-room breakfast at 5.30 AM. After tasty breakfast, we started at around 6 AM towards Jhansi. We had 650 Kms to cover to reach home. Until Jhansi, road was good and we reached Jhansi around 8.30 AM. But after Jhansi, road was not as smooth. Also it was lot more irritating to drive with dwindling lane discipline, bikers chatting while driving in right most lane, vehicles parked on roadside etc... Be aware of stray cows as well.

We continued towards Kanpur and Lucknow with traffic also continuing to increase. Filled up the tank around Orai along with 10-15 minutes snacks cum bio break. We reached home at around 2.40 PM, thanks to last 90 KM stretch being a wonderful drive on newly build road between Lucknow and Sultanpur. 

Finally we reached home, sweet home.

Total distance: ~1600 KM

Total Fuel: ~150 Liters

Total driving time: ~23 hours 

Total Toll: ~1800 Rs