In the general population survey, one-third of respondents said they have a "close friend, close relative or colleague at work" who lost a spouse or child under the age of 18 with kids still at home.
"Childhood bereavement is one of society's most chronically painful yet rarely examined and most underestimated phenomena."
Childhood loss – particularly of a parent – presents challenges that can persist for decades. As the burden of childhood loss is immense, and it is a toll paid over decades, not years.
Lonely Suffering Children
Fearful of burdening their surviving parent -- and growing up in a society that is unnerved by death and uneasy with their grief -- kids who lose loved ones get the message early on that people are uncomfortable talking about their loss, so they suffer in silence. As a result, these children are too often subject to a distressing range of emotional, psychological and behavioral difficulties, which can extend well into adulthood. It's time for a national conversation on childhood bereavement.
Grieving process is frequently complicated by feelings of isolation (e.g., "no one else knows what I'm going through") and vulnerability (e.g. "who will be there for me now?") and a wide range of "secondary losses" including moving homes, the return of the surviving parent to work, and financial strains.
Enormous Scale
Approximately 2.85 million children under 18 live with a parent affected by cancer and many deal with trauma before and after demise. Childhood bereavement is complicated and devastating, we need to do a better job of raising awareness of the effects of childhood bereavement, so that kids can get back to being kids again – instead of miniature adults. Giving these kids the time and opportunity to heal is critical to their ability to thrive as adults.
Grief is a journey. We can't eliminate it, but we can make it more manageable.
More resources and greater public sensitivity to the issue – including support from friends, relatives, classmates, the community, and other caring adults – can make a big difference.” After experiencing a loss, children need to rebuild their safety nets. We, together, need to support them – at home, at school, and in everyday life.
Friends Matter: more support from families, friends and coworkers
Friends are deemed the second most helpful group in helping kids deal with their loss, behind only their surviving parents and well ahead of siblings, grandparents and therapists/counselors.
"It's not like bereaved families are looking for special treatment," Hughes said. "The vast majority of kids and parents just want to be treated normally. That's why it's so troubling that half of the surviving parents in our survey said some friends stopped talking or socializing with them after their spouse died.“
Want to Do More, Not Sure How?
Reflecting on the last time someone close lost a child or spouse, most reported attending the funeral/wake/calling hours (74%), offering words of condolence (72%) or visiting the family's home (57%) but only 30% said they went out of their way to include them in social activities. Eighty-three percent somewhat or strongly agree with the statement: "I wish I did/could have done more.“
"Surviving parents all too often get lost in the shuffle," "Parenting is hard enough; it can seem impossible when you're solely responsible for a household, family finances, and your kids' well-being, all the while trying to process your own loss. There are resources for single parents, but almost none for surviving parents. They are overlooked, little-understood and stretched thin.“